The Nightmare

Oh who cares about my reputation anymore?

Good morning.
I couldn't tell. It could be midnight or dawn but I couldn't tell. Above, a single lamp hovered precariously between the interviewer and myself. Its metallic cover reminded me of the apparatus people put on dogs who chew too much on themselves. As I looked around, I noticed men whose cold bodies were just beyond illumination, just in the domain of darkness. I probably would never have seen them if it were not for the guns they held that reflected the minimal light. I was so caught up in the description that I almost zoned out when the interviewer asked me the first question.
-you so interested in our university?
I stuttered out a few words before gaining some momentum. Faster and faster I could speak, knowing that I could see the approval of correct answers in the eyes of that old man.
Island game. Argentina, Boy Scouts, leadership camp.
...so tell me about any girlfriends, or boyfriends, that you've had.
Shit. But yes, something clicked.
Why should such an answer matter? Would it mean the difference between acceptance or rejection? I can say I've had friends who are girls. I can say I'm a heterosexual male who's definitely felt emotion... but I don't think I've been given the proper circumstances to cultivate such relationships. I'd say that I was looking for something more profound than what high school could ever give me.
It was then that I saw him quickly scratch down some notes.
You are excused.
I thanked him, but he didn't shake my hand.
I opened the door as the old man sat still in his chair. The mysterious guards seemed to vanish.
Upon opening the door, I was engulfed in a surge of light. When my eyes adjusted, all I could see was Daniel, smiling, and crowds coming to congratulate him.

I'll begin with some symbol analysis.
The light: The light is "muzzled" and fails to illuminate very much. It hangs between myself and the interviewer, suggesting that both of us are "left in the dark". He may be uninformed about who I am, so it is my responsibility to try to communicate with him. Still, college decisions might be more random than I give them credit for. Having a muzzle suggests a protective measure, as enlightenment may be seen as a danger or a threat.
The guards: This redefines that danger. I notice their guns above everything else, meaning that these fears are mostly threat and little else. Yet at the end, they disappear when I leave. The fear is not real, or if it is, it only exists as long as I am succeeding. It reassures me that I'm on the right path. Failure causes them to disappear.
The interview: Most people wouldn't get this, but it very much matches the way I do interviews in Spanish class. While I am usually competent, fear may hinder me.
The question: Here is one of my greatest fears. It is the most absurd idea to ever fear this, but it reflects on how much value I put into certain... objectives. I fear that these past incidents may jeopardize my chances with universities.
The crowd: I feel like the whole world is on his side. I fear that everyone is conspiring against me or for him. I feel like she's just a novelty to everyone. Whether she means more to him, people are so obsessed with this dollhouse relationship that they go out of their way to play with them.

Next, I will notice external patterns.
I cry in my sleep sometimes. Puddles sometimes form on the books that I sleep on. I wake up in a state of anger, my head throbbing with blood while my peripheral vision is severely limited. I utter some words that I remember and jot down.
Schutzstaffel.
I love you.
I'd give you anything short of my future.
The one thing I couldn't give you was probably why you chose him.
I want to go home and go to sleep. (What? I say this while laying on my bed.)
[Scream]
Go to hell.
What a douchebag.
Just make it 'til 5.
A-check, B-check, C-check...
Logic.
unhappybracketsmiley
These phrases are all based on academic and emotional desires. I prioritize emotion when I fail to satisfy emotion because I trust that my grades are more likely to stay afloat.

I can't lower my standards for relationships. Every reincarnation of the "immortal she" from this point on must create stronger emotions than ever before. Certainly, I'd just suffer more after this. But to compromise is to let them win.

I know y'all don't understand this. But in my mind, it flows like clockwork.